Calcium Anthropologists Warn of Effects of Summer Acceleration
Unconfirmed fiction by: Tige R. Schmittendorf
Originally posted: September 6, 2009
Editor’s Note: I know it’s Labor Day. I should have warned you sooner…
One day while taking a requisite course towards my doctorate in calcium anthropology — the study of milkmen and their connection to mad cow disease — I had cause to stop, doze, and ponder the season ahead.
In the midst of my heavy R.E.M. sleep, I drooled upon an undiscovered hypothesis that ventures well beyond the natural borders of E=MC². It goes something like this: (more…)


















